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Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. Proverbs 25:11 (NLT)
Saying the right thing at the right time is a priceless gift each of us should strive to receive. I once knew a person who had many good ideas about how things should be done at his place of employment. The problem was that he would often make his suggestions at the worst possible moment. Usually this was during some crisis or problem when emotions were high. While his words were intended to be helpful, they would often have the effect of pouring gasoline on a fire. People would be offended and tempers would flare.
My friend’s situation may be an extreme situation but each of us has experienced the pain of words spoken at the wrong time and place. Sometimes it may have been our own words. Other times words spoken to us.
The message of Proverbs 25:11 is that advice is good and to be treasured, but we each must learn to use our words carefully, choosing the right words for the right time. One of the best ways to do this is to learn how to ‘respond and NOT react’ to a situation. Responding to a situation means we take the time to evaluate exactly what is going on and take into account the emotions of everyone involved in the situation.
When tempers are already at the boiling point or emotions are already high it is often best to wait, if possible, until things have cooled a bit before you speak. There have been times when people have said things to me that, at first, I took offense to, as though they were attacking me personally. When I’m able to step back from the situation it’s easier for me to respond in a way that is less retaliatory. If I have the proper view of who I am in Jesus, then peoples words, even if they are attacking, have less impact on me. Determine within yourself that the words of other people will not affect who I am and how I feel about myself.
Our words can also be helpful in steering people from situations and activities that could harm them. This is especially true for us as parents and grandparents. When we see our children engaging in activities that may be harmful to them it’s very important that we assure them of our love and find positive ways to ‘pass on our wisdom’. Saying things that are derogatory about our children’s/grandchildren’s activities or friends will most likely have an opposite effect that we’d hoped for. Sarcasm and critical words will steer them away from us. Saying “I told you so” will be more destructive than constructive.
Take time to actively listen to others before offering your own advice. Ask questions to make sure you understand exactly where they are coming from. Don’t allow their feelings about you, God or others to influence your reaction. How they ‘feel’ is most likely a symptom of a deeper struggle they are having within themselves. It takes time to heal those wounds. Your words can act either as a salve to soothe the wound or as salt to irritate and inflict further pain. The choice is yours.
PRAYER: Father God, Your Word constantly reminds me that my words are powerful tools or powerful weapons. There are so many times when I’m misunderstood or I say the right thing at the wrong time. I tend to react rather than respond when I’m attacked or things don’t go my way. I let other people’s words affect how I feel about myself. Please empower me with Your Holy Spirit to use the words I speak as a healing salve and to refuse to let other people’s words affect how I feel about me. I am your child. No one and no words can change that! Thank you. Amen.
These are the twelve tribes of Israel, and this is what their father said as he told his sons good-bye. He blessed each one with an appropriate message. Genesis 49:28 (NLT)
Ever notice how many times people ask you, “So, how are you today?” You know they don’t really want to know. The words slip meaninglessly from their lips and once in a while you think it would be fun to tell them how you REALLY are and make them stand and listen to the whole story! Then maybe they’d think twice about asking flippant questions they have no desire to hear the answer to.
We all say things from time to time that are just empty words. Words that we intend to be kind and thoughtful, in reality become empty clichés. If we aren’t careful they even creep into our prayer life. How often have you said ‘grace’ before a meal, thanking God for the food without really giving it a second thought? For most of us we eat way too much food, much of it that isn’t even good for us, while many in the world, perhaps even in our own communities, are going without food for the third day in a row because they just don’t have the money.
One of my most annoying habits in my own prayer life is using the phrase, “And Lord bless my friend _______ today.” One day I thought about what I’d just said. I imagined God listening in and thinking, “Um, okay. I can do that. How should I bless him? I have plenty of options. What do you want me to do for him?” That thought began a pattern of change in my prayer life. A pattern, I’m sad to say, continues to be a struggle. Now, when I pray I try to be specific, or if nothing else ask God for wisdom in how to pray.
The great patriarch, Jacob, was nearing the end of his life. As he addressed his sons he blessed them, but the Bible says he “Blessed each one with an APPROPRIATE message.” As a loving father who had walked many miles through life, who’d seen struggles and pain and knew each of his sons well enough to know that they needed in life, he blessed them with just the thing they needed for the path ahead.
Jacob’s words are an example of our Heavenly Father’s desire for each of us. He knows just what we will need to make it in this journey we call life. God’s blessings for us are not ‘One Size Fits All’. They are tailored for our specific needs, and customized to help us according to our mindset, our emotional make-up, our past.
Spend time with your Heavenly Father. Learn from Him through prayer, regular Bible reading and healthy Christian fellowship. His desire is to bless each of us richly and those blessings come more frequently when we walk close to Him.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father. I thank You for the fact that you know my every need on an individual basis. I thank you that your desire is to bless me according to my own unique, one-of-a-kind emotional and intellectual make-up. No one knows me better than You! I ask that you would empower me to walk closer to you so that I can experience your blessings in my life to the fullest. I also ask that you would help me to learn to bless others in the same way that you have blessed me. Amen.
And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! James 3:10 (NLT)
We may not realize how much our ‘talk’ tells others about our ‘walk’! A friend of mine told me of a job he had in college. While he was very strong in his faith, he wasn’t the type of person to ‘push his beliefs’ on other people. In the course of conversation he was never afraid or ashamed of sharing his faith, but he was rarely the type of person who would start a conversation with his faith. He’d seen too many people get pushed off by the ‘Bible-thumping, religious zealots’.
After three weeks on the job he smashed his finger while trying to dislodge a part from the machine he was operating. As he tells the story, he pulled his hand back and, ‘in his mind’ said a couple words that he probably shouldn’t have said, then shook it off and went back to work.
A couple minutes later a co-worker came up to him. He’d befriended this guy during breaks and always walked away with his ears ringing from the expletives that came from this man’s mouth. It seemed like every other word was a swear word or a cuss word. The man mentioned that he’d been watching my friend during the episode that just happened. He said something like, “You know, I did the same thing last week and swore a blue streak. You didn’t say anything. I got to thinking I’ve never heard a bad word from you. What’s with that?”
My friend shared openly that because of his faith in Jesus Christ he’d made a decision that he would never use language that would embarrass or offend Christ, no matter what the situation. The man was shocked and said, “I’ve known lots of Bible thumpers, but they still swear when things don’t go their way or else they send me on some guilt trip for the way I talk.”
The men went back to work but a friendship had begun. Over the ensuing weeks and months the man’s language became less intense (at least while my friend was around), and he even attended church with my friend a couple times. Several months later he accepted Christ as his personal savior.
Whenever my friend tells this story, he adds how thankful he is that he guarded his mouth that day. Because of that, he was able to bring Jesus to someone else.
Each of us needs to constantly remember that our words speak much louder to others about who we are. The way we react to the crabby clerk in the store, or the ‘inept’ server in the restaurant is a testimony of what Jesus means to us.
James tells us to guard what we say. The same lips that sing praises to God on Sunday should never ridicule or verbally attack others during the week! Guard what you say and how you say it. You never know who may be watching and listening to you.
PRAYER: Father God, I confess to you that it’s way too easy for my lips to slip. Sometimes I say words that are not pleasing to you. Other times I’m critical of others, either to their face or behind their back. I realize now that this isn’t pleasing to you. Forgive me for the struggle I have with words. Empower me through your Spirit to speak gracefully to and about others for your sake. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
He was caught red-handed. There was no way out. He was without excuse, without defense, and, in a word: GUILTY. He’d tried other hiding places. He’d tried to cover-up his weakness. He’d tried to blame others. But nothing worked.
As King David looked back over his life he remembered a time when he wallowed in guilt and pain. He describes his pain. His whole body groaned with agony. He was losing sleep. He was beaten and bruised emotionally. Perhaps it was shortly after the whole affair with Bathsheba. No doubt the guilt was based on the affair itself, the murder that followed and finally being exposed for the sinner he was and the death of the baby he’d fathered illegitimately.
As he sits down to write Psalm 32, David likely describes his feelings as he went through this most difficult time of his life. As he relives the pain he remembers that in the midst of his failure, his place of refuge was the very one who he’d failed: God.
It was his faith in God and God’s willingness to forgive his sin that brought David the healing his aching emotions needed to continue on. Consequences still had to be endured. There would always be scars and always be those who would remind him of his failure. But during those times he knew he could always run to the waiting arms of God for comfort, safety and salve for his wounded soul.
The same is true for each of us as we travel life’s journey. We will encounter those times when our soul groans within us. We may try to escape the pain. Some have tried drugs and alcohol or other addictive behavior. Others have tried new relationships, different careers or playing the blame game to cover their own pain. But nothing works. Often, if not always, attempts to heal ourselves only add to the pain.
Life events can leave us battered and bruised, wounded and scared and seemingly unable to go on. That’s when Jesus becomes our perfect hiding place. It doesn’t matter if the wounds you are enduring right now are a result of your own poor choices or the evil acts of another person. Nothing in this world can soothe the wounds we encounter in life like the healing salve of Jesus’ unending love and forgiveness.
David yearned for the peace and contentment of honest living. He longed to be able to return to a life without fear, without lies, without the shadows of his past constantly haunting him. He found relief in the same place each of us can, in the arms a loving and forgiving God. He earnestly waits for you to come to him.
PRAYER: Holy Father. You know I didn’t sleep again last night. You know the agony and pain my body is in. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of trying to hide in places that only further reveal my failure to follow you. Please forgive me for the times I’ve refused to follow you and chosen my own way. I’ve hurt others, I’ve hurt myself and I long for the healing I can only find in you. Help me this day to hide in your arms of love, forgiveness and healing. Amen.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Remember the story about the little engine that surprised himself and everyone else when he was able to carry the huge load over the mountain? The other ‘trains’ came up with all sorts of excuses for why the project couldn’t be done. Only the little blue engine considered trying to pull the long train over the mountain. He pulled and strained and worked with all the determination inside him, all the while saying “I think I can.” Finally, he DID!
That silly little children’s story carries a huge message to us as Christ-followers. Each of us faces struggles and trials that seem like huge mountains in our path. Some of those mountains are mountains of our own doing. We’ve dug ourselves in a hole in relationships or poor choices. We face mountains of debt either of our own doing or because of some economic disaster. We stand at the edge of a huge canyon filled with doubt, worry or regret.
As we stand and survey the problem there will be those who will say, “You may as well just learn to deal with it. You can’t change things.” Others will give all sorts of reasons why they can’t help or a whole list of reasons why you shouldn’t be in this position in the first place (like that will help with the solution).
All of these nay-Sayers offer no practical help, but in reality the biggest enemy to conquering the seemingly impossible is you! The little engine didn’t look at the size of the load. The little engine didn’t consider the words of the others who refused to help. It didn’t look at its own size. Rather than considering all the reasons why it couldn’t be done, the little engine decided within him that he ‘thought he could do it.’
As we face the challenges of daily living, whether that be debt, worry, shame, guilt, relational issues or any other obstacle, we have one thing the little engine didn’t have. We have the promise of our Heavenly Father that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is beside us, helping us all the way through. It’s not by our strength and determination that we’ll conquer the issues ahead of us. It is by our reliance on His strength that we’ll be able to overcome.
Whether the challenge you face is of your own doing, or the result of someone else’s greedy and abusive action. You can overcome with the strength Jesus will give you. Draw close to Him in relationship. Ignore those who doubt your ability to move on. Trust His strength to carry you through.
PRAYER: Dear Jesus, thank you for your promise to stand with me in every situation. I’m looking a huge challenge in face today and I’m not sure how I’m going to succeed. Others haven’t given me much hope. My past and my own lack of self-confidence keeps me paralyzed with fear. I ask that you would help me to rely on your power and strength to move forward in confidence and strength. With you by my side I don’t just ‘think I can’, I KNOW WE CAN. Thank you for that promise. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 