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“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27
All of us get angry from time to time. For some of us anger is a fleeting event in the process of life. Our anger is like a firecracker. Long or short fused, once we reach the ‘boiling point’ we explode. We say what we feel needs to be said or do what needs to be done and then we are finished.
For other people anger is like an iceberg. We may show some emotion on the surface but the true feelings are beneath the surface. People learn to stay away because they know that lurking beneath the surface of our emotions is a dangerous monster ready to rip us apart.
Anger in and of itself is not a sin. Jesus got angry with the religious zealots and the hypocrital Pharisees for the way they twisted God’s law for their own religious benefit. He was angry the day He drove the money changers from the Temple because they had defiled God’s rules on sacrifice.
Others in the Bible grew angry as well. Sometimes their anger was directed at wicked kings and family members. Sometimes their anger and frustration was directed at God. Even God is described as growing angry in relation to sin and to those who taught a ‘religion’ that contradicted His love and concern for mankind.
In most situations, anger is a secondary emotion. It is sub-consciously used as a cover up for guilt, unresolved sin, or fear. When we grow angry it is often because we feel threatened. We get angry at other people because they do or say things that make us feel inferior, unloved or unimportant. We resolve to never let that person hurt us again and never seek resolution.
Paul warns us that while being angry is not a sin, we should not let anger lead us into sin. In any situation we should respond, not react to the person who is attacking us. There are times when our first action must be to remove ourselves from the situation. God never wants us to be abused physically, spiritually or emotionally. Time apart allows both parties to evaluate the situation and work towards resolution, even if resolution includes ending a relationship.
When we are angry we need to resolve that situation as soon as possible. That doesn’t always mean we can go to the person who has made us angry and resolve things. Anger is my choice to react to a situation that I feel threatened by. It is also my choice to release the person that has hurt me by choosing not be in bondage to that person or to anger.
In cases of extreme abuse it may take years to get over the anger and hurt, but Jesus came to heal and free us from the bondage of anger. When we feel attacked, anger can be avoided by simply reassuring ourselves that because of Jesus we are okay. You are a child of the King. No one can change that or take it away from you.
Be angry. But don’t allow the anger to consume you and change who you are. Ask for God’s help in releasing you from anger as soon as it rears its ugly head. Waiting ‘until morning’ may allow Satan to take you captive.
PRAYER: Dear Father. I confess to you that I am filled with anger today. I thank You that You understand far more than anyone else how hurt I am. I want to be released from the anger I feel. Empower me through Your Holy Spirit to live with the confidence that nothing and no one will ever change the fact that I am Your child. Amen.
But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:25-26 (NLT)
It’s tucked away, almost hidden, within Jesus’ teaching on prayer. The disciples were looking for answers. Jesus had just stated that using the power of prayer the disciples had the ability to move mountains. Then, almost as though He read their minds He answered a question that hadn’t been answered.
It’s as if one (or more) of the disciples was thinking: “I pray. I have faith in you. I believe. I don’t want to move mountains. I just want to understand my kids!” Jesus tells them that to have real power, to see God move mightily in your life and in the lives of others around you, here is the secret. Forgive.
Unresolved conflict and anger bind us and our prayer lives. When we harbor grudges, judgmental attitudes and a critical spirit against someone else it keeps Gods power from manifesting itself through us.
It’s interesting to note what Jesus doesn’t say in this passage. He doesn’t tell the disciples to “Go and have a conversation with the person and tell them you forgive them.” His statement concerns His followers DURING their prayer time. While they are praying, during the very process of their time with the Heavenly Father, forgive.
Forgiving others does not condone what they have done to you. If you have been abused, especially emotionally, the abuser won’t admit to anything anyway. It doesn’t require any action on the part of the perpetrator of your wound.
Forgiveness of others is between you and God. No one else needs to be involved. While there may be times when God will eventually lead you to confront the person you need to forgive, it really is an agreement between you and your Heavenly Father to release yourself from their grip of hate, anger or pain.
Forgiveness frees you. When you are angry at someone, it could be because of some intentional act on their part, or something that they did unintentionally, it causes a wound that refuses to heal. Forgiveness is a healing salve that comforts and soothes. Forgiveness is for your benefit, not the benefit of anyone else.
Forgiveness is humanly initiated, yet supernaturally accomplished. Sometimes the pain we endure is so great that we have to come to the Father over and over again to confess our inability to let go of the pain that was caused. The first step to healing is to confess our pain and anger to God and ask Him to empower you to forgive. From that point forward it is His working in you, and in the situation to free you from the horrific bondage of a wounded soul.
Forgiveness takes time. It isn’t some magic oil that you apply once to the wound and it’s gone. When you bear a grudge or have been hurt in some way it is like a physical wound, in some cases worse than that. Just as the wound take time to heal, forgiveness takes time to work its way through the pain. Be patient. Don’t allow the abuse or mistakes of your past to imprison you. Let the healing salve of forgiveness free you for all God has in store.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father. I never thought I’d have to admit to you that I harbor hatred towards others. Some of my hatred is because of what has been done to my loved ones. Some of it is because of direct or indirect attacks from others. Some of it, I confess, is a result of my inability to remember that I’m your child and I’ve allowed others to attack who I am in you. Help me to forgive. Empower me with your Spirit today to free myself from the prison others have me in. Show me grace so that I can show it to others. Thank you for loving me. Amen.
The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. Psalm 103:13 (NLT)
One of the reasons we, as parents, can at times become exasperated with our children is that we fear they will make the same harmful decisions we made when we were young. It’s as if, as we are growing up, there is this voice inside of us saying, “My kid will never do this!” We enter adult life with all sorts of dreams about what we can become. Before long we find ourselves as parents and realize it’s too late to make those dreams on our own. To compensate for our own shortcomings we resolve that our children will not travel down the same detour in life. They will have a better life.
The Psalmist likens God to a loving father who is tender and compassionate. When we read that comparison we may see an image in our mind of a father holding an infant or walking hand in hand with a child down a quiet, softly lit forest path while flowers bloom and birds sing cheerfully in the trees. Then reality sets in and we come back to consciousness just as our teenager enters the house and announces he wrecked the car!
It’s humbling to realize that our reaction to this event is what shows our child what God is like. When we hear the statement “God is like our father.” What images come to mind? Do you see love and compassion or anger and coldness? When you think of God as your father, how does he talk to you? Does he talk with sarcasm and criticism or acceptance and encouragement?
It’s not surprising in our society that people have a misconception of what God is like. We are all wired to see our fathers as reflections of what God is like. The unfortunate fact is that fathers are human. No one, not even Jesus Christ, had a father that was perfect in every way. As a result we can see God the way our fathers were, sometimes angry, aloof, insensitive, selfish, and apathetic or the like.
- Earthly fathers may fail us, but your Heavenly Father NEVER WILL;
- Earthly fathers may leave us, but your Heavenly Father promises to always be with you;
- Earthly fathers break promises, but your Heavenly Father always does what He says He’ll do;
- Earthly fathers may become preoccupied, but your Heavenly Father always has you at the center of his attention;
- Earthly fathers may be disappointed in us; your Heavenly Father is always proud of who you are, even when you fail!
- Earthly fathers may become angry with us, your Heavenly Fathers anger is reserved for the actions of sin and the enemy of our souls;
- Earthy father’s may cheat, your Heavenly Father remains faithful to what is right.
- Earthly fathers may forget, your Heavenly Father never forgets you. He doesn’t forget birthdays or ball games or special event of your life.
- Earthly fathers may put work ahead of you, your Heavenly Father always has you in first place in His mind.
If you are struggling today with the wounds left by an earthly father who left you scarred emotionally or physically please realize your Heavenly Father longs to show you a true and loving relationship through His son Jesus christ. If you read the list above and realize how wonderful your earthly father really is thank God (and your dad) for being the man that he is.
PRAYER: Father God, I confess to you that I say you are my ‘Father’ way to flippantly without realizing what that really means. I thank you for who you are as my Heavenly Father and for always being there to lift me up, encourage me, guide me and forgive me. I pray you would help me to be a parent and child that shows others how loving you are. Amen.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
Sometimes it’s important to remember that the chapter numbers and verse numbers in the Bible are fairly recent additions. Before that there were no divisions to the books and letters of the Bible. The reader would understand the change in thought processes of the author by wording and grammatical changes much as we do in a novel or other piece of journalism.
When the Apostle Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus he was writing about practical living as Christ followers. The particular section our verse comes from today is a whole section on family living that begins with “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (5:21). Then Paul goes on to give examples to wives, husbands, parents, children and bosses and employees on how to be submissive to each other because of Jesus Christ and our desire to follow Him.
When Paul addresses fathers in Ephesians 6:4 he’s not really telling the rest of us to stop listening. The lesson he is teaching fathers is one each of us should learn to follow. The lesson is basically this. Our actions towards others should never intentionally cause them to be angry.
Discipline has gotten a bad rap in our society because it is often linked with or confused with punishment. The root word of ‘discipline’ is disciple, a word that implies a follower or a set of rules or a person. It is not a ‘forced event’ but a voluntary one. Punishment on the other hand is something that is forced upon a person.
- Punishment can be done in anger and cause permanent damage.
- Discipline is never done in anger and while it can be painful, the pain is temporary.
- Punishment can cause hatred or frustration on the part of the receiver.
- Discipline may cause temporary misunderstanding but eventually the receiver see the value of the ‘rules’.
- Punishment can often be an act of aggression and frustration on the part of the deliverer of the punishment.
- Discipline is done in patience and love.
- Punishment can be administered to protect the person who does the punishment to ‘protect himself’.
- Discipline is always done for the benefit of the receiver, perhaps even at some cost to the person doing the discipling.
- Punishment degrades both parties in the ‘situation’.
- Discipline elevates both parties in the ‘situation’.
- Punishment forces the individual being punished into a mold that may not be in his/her best interest.
- Discipline shapes a person’s character in a way that best fulfills his/her gifts and abilities.
- Punishment changes behavior.
- Discipline grows character.
- Punishment is quick and effective.
- Discipline is time consuming and eternal.
Each of us, no matter what role we play in life will, at some time, be in a position where we are training others for life’s journey. The best way we can do that is to disciple those around us by:
- allowing them to grow at their own pace.
- showing them the way of true life through Jesus Christ.
- Praying that Jesus will change their minds towards Him.
- Patiently determining to love them regardless of the choices they make.
PRAYER: Holy Father. I am a victim of punishment done with good intent but with painful results. As I’ve grown older I’ve tended to follow the same patterns I learned as I grew up. Empower me through your Holy Spirit to love as Jesus loved, disciple as He disciple and help those around me to grow in character as a result of what they see in me. Forgive me for the pain I’ve caused. Heal the scars of my past. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 