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Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)
Sometimes it’s important to remember that the chapter numbers and verse numbers in the Bible are fairly recent additions. Before that there were no divisions to the books and letters of the Bible. The reader would understand the change in thought processes of the author by wording and grammatical changes much as we do in a novel or other piece of journalism.
When the Apostle Paul was writing to the church in Ephesus he was writing about practical living as Christ followers. The particular section our verse comes from today is a whole section on family living that begins with “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (5:21). Then Paul goes on to give examples to wives, husbands, parents, children and bosses and employees on how to be submissive to each other because of Jesus Christ and our desire to follow Him.
When Paul addresses fathers in Ephesians 6:4 he’s not really telling the rest of us to stop listening. The lesson he is teaching fathers is one each of us should learn to follow. The lesson is basically this. Our actions towards others should never intentionally cause them to be angry.
Discipline has gotten a bad rap in our society because it is often linked with or confused with punishment. The root word of ‘discipline’ is disciple, a word that implies a follower or a set of rules or a person. It is not a ‘forced event’ but a voluntary one. Punishment on the other hand is something that is forced upon a person.
- Punishment can be done in anger and cause permanent damage.
- Discipline is never done in anger and while it can be painful, the pain is temporary.
- Punishment can cause hatred or frustration on the part of the receiver.
- Discipline may cause temporary misunderstanding but eventually the receiver see the value of the ‘rules’.
- Punishment can often be an act of aggression and frustration on the part of the deliverer of the punishment.
- Discipline is done in patience and love.
- Punishment can be administered to protect the person who does the punishment to ‘protect himself’.
- Discipline is always done for the benefit of the receiver, perhaps even at some cost to the person doing the discipling.
- Punishment degrades both parties in the ‘situation’.
- Discipline elevates both parties in the ‘situation’.
- Punishment forces the individual being punished into a mold that may not be in his/her best interest.
- Discipline shapes a person’s character in a way that best fulfills his/her gifts and abilities.
- Punishment changes behavior.
- Discipline grows character.
- Punishment is quick and effective.
- Discipline is time consuming and eternal.
Each of us, no matter what role we play in life will, at some time, be in a position where we are training others for life’s journey. The best way we can do that is to disciple those around us by:
- allowing them to grow at their own pace.
- showing them the way of true life through Jesus Christ.
- Praying that Jesus will change their minds towards Him.
- Patiently determining to love them regardless of the choices they make.
PRAYER: Holy Father. I am a victim of punishment done with good intent but with painful results. As I’ve grown older I’ve tended to follow the same patterns I learned as I grew up. Empower me through your Holy Spirit to love as Jesus loved, disciple as He disciple and help those around me to grow in character as a result of what they see in me. Forgive me for the pain I’ve caused. Heal the scars of my past. Amen.
The Lord gave me this message: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:4-5 (NLT)
When the Lord came to Jeremiah and spelled out the direction his life was going to go he gave him two great promises that are hard to comprehend. First of all, the creator/sustainer of the universe told Jeremiah (and us) that He knew him intimately, even before his conception. God knows every hidden corner of our mental, emotional, and spiritual lives. Our needs, our desires, our fears. He knows us.
The second thing He tells us in this verse is that, again before we were even conceived, He had set us apart for service. Just as He appointed Jeremiah to be prophet before his birth, He has appointed each of us for service to him.
That doesn’t mean we’ll all be pastors or missionaries or great, famous spiritual giants. Simply stated, God has a personal plan for each of us in life. He’s appointed us for that plan. Individuals are appointed, not groups. Since God knows us so intimately then the plan that He has for us is beautifully, custom fit just for us according to our gifts, talents, and abilities. His plan isn’t necessarily custom fit to our comfort zone! He may ask us to do things we don’t think we can do, but He knows us best and will never ask us to do things we are unable to do.
Because of His great love for us, God also gives us the right to choose. If we grow in relationship with Him we will know the right way to go. The problem is, each of us is human and tend to stray, or rebel from the way God wants us to go. When we wander away from God does that mean His plan can’t work or that we can’t come back? NEVER!
Just as God is never surprised with the birth of a child, He is never surprised by our failure to follow His guidance. It doesn’t matter how far you have strayed from God, nothing you do can keep Him from fulfilling his plan in your life. We may think our failures are a side trip but with God there is no such thing as a side trip, only learning experiences.
The important question each of us needs to ask when we’ve wandered from God is NOT “How did I get here?” That part isn’t the most important thing. The most important question we should ask ourselves is, “How can I use this experience to glorify God and uplift others.”
The Lord God of Heaven, the creator/sustainer of the universe loves you. He not only had your emotional/spiritual/physical make-up planned before time, He set you apart to serve Him. The best way to do that is to continue growing close to Him and trusting Him no matter how many times you fail. He will never give up on you or the plan He personally designed just for you.
PRAYER: Father God. Once again I’m in awe of your greatness and loving compassion. I’m so weak, so frail and so rebellious. I want my plans to succeed even when I know Your way is best. Please empower me with your Holy Spirit to walk close to you so I can see what you want from me on a daily basis. During those times when I stray I ask that you would show me the way back to you and to the perfect, pleasing plan you have for me. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Amen
Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket. Proverbs 25:11 (NLT)
Saying the right thing at the right time is a priceless gift each of us should strive to receive. I once knew a person who had many good ideas about how things should be done at his place of employment. The problem was that he would often make his suggestions at the worst possible moment. Usually this was during some crisis or problem when emotions were high. While his words were intended to be helpful, they would often have the effect of pouring gasoline on a fire. People would be offended and tempers would flare.
My friend’s situation may be an extreme situation but each of us has experienced the pain of words spoken at the wrong time and place. Sometimes it may have been our own words. Other times words spoken to us.
The message of Proverbs 25:11 is that advice is good and to be treasured, but we each must learn to use our words carefully, choosing the right words for the right time. One of the best ways to do this is to learn how to ‘respond and NOT react’ to a situation. Responding to a situation means we take the time to evaluate exactly what is going on and take into account the emotions of everyone involved in the situation.
When tempers are already at the boiling point or emotions are already high it is often best to wait, if possible, until things have cooled a bit before you speak. There have been times when people have said things to me that, at first, I took offense to, as though they were attacking me personally. When I’m able to step back from the situation it’s easier for me to respond in a way that is less retaliatory. If I have the proper view of who I am in Jesus, then peoples words, even if they are attacking, have less impact on me. Determine within yourself that the words of other people will not affect who I am and how I feel about myself.
Our words can also be helpful in steering people from situations and activities that could harm them. This is especially true for us as parents and grandparents. When we see our children engaging in activities that may be harmful to them it’s very important that we assure them of our love and find positive ways to ‘pass on our wisdom’. Saying things that are derogatory about our children’s/grandchildren’s activities or friends will most likely have an opposite effect that we’d hoped for. Sarcasm and critical words will steer them away from us. Saying “I told you so” will be more destructive than constructive.
Take time to actively listen to others before offering your own advice. Ask questions to make sure you understand exactly where they are coming from. Don’t allow their feelings about you, God or others to influence your reaction. How they ‘feel’ is most likely a symptom of a deeper struggle they are having within themselves. It takes time to heal those wounds. Your words can act either as a salve to soothe the wound or as salt to irritate and inflict further pain. The choice is yours.
PRAYER: Father God, Your Word constantly reminds me that my words are powerful tools or powerful weapons. There are so many times when I’m misunderstood or I say the right thing at the wrong time. I tend to react rather than respond when I’m attacked or things don’t go my way. I let other people’s words affect how I feel about myself. Please empower me with Your Holy Spirit to use the words I speak as a healing salve and to refuse to let other people’s words affect how I feel about me. I am your child. No one and no words can change that! Thank you. Amen.
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
He was caught red-handed. There was no way out. He was without excuse, without defense, and, in a word: GUILTY. He’d tried other hiding places. He’d tried to cover-up his weakness. He’d tried to blame others. But nothing worked.
As King David looked back over his life he remembered a time when he wallowed in guilt and pain. He describes his pain. His whole body groaned with agony. He was losing sleep. He was beaten and bruised emotionally. Perhaps it was shortly after the whole affair with Bathsheba. No doubt the guilt was based on the affair itself, the murder that followed and finally being exposed for the sinner he was and the death of the baby he’d fathered illegitimately.
As he sits down to write Psalm 32, David likely describes his feelings as he went through this most difficult time of his life. As he relives the pain he remembers that in the midst of his failure, his place of refuge was the very one who he’d failed: God.
It was his faith in God and God’s willingness to forgive his sin that brought David the healing his aching emotions needed to continue on. Consequences still had to be endured. There would always be scars and always be those who would remind him of his failure. But during those times he knew he could always run to the waiting arms of God for comfort, safety and salve for his wounded soul.
The same is true for each of us as we travel life’s journey. We will encounter those times when our soul groans within us. We may try to escape the pain. Some have tried drugs and alcohol or other addictive behavior. Others have tried new relationships, different careers or playing the blame game to cover their own pain. But nothing works. Often, if not always, attempts to heal ourselves only add to the pain.
Life events can leave us battered and bruised, wounded and scared and seemingly unable to go on. That’s when Jesus becomes our perfect hiding place. It doesn’t matter if the wounds you are enduring right now are a result of your own poor choices or the evil acts of another person. Nothing in this world can soothe the wounds we encounter in life like the healing salve of Jesus’ unending love and forgiveness.
David yearned for the peace and contentment of honest living. He longed to be able to return to a life without fear, without lies, without the shadows of his past constantly haunting him. He found relief in the same place each of us can, in the arms a loving and forgiving God. He earnestly waits for you to come to him.
PRAYER: Holy Father. You know I didn’t sleep again last night. You know the agony and pain my body is in. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of trying to hide in places that only further reveal my failure to follow you. Please forgive me for the times I’ve refused to follow you and chosen my own way. I’ve hurt others, I’ve hurt myself and I long for the healing I can only find in you. Help me this day to hide in your arms of love, forgiveness and healing. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 