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It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5
Remember growing up and having that ‘friend’ that always made the rules about the games you played? Remember how, for some strange reason, the rules always gave them the advantage? Remember the time you tried to stand up for yourself and change the rules to be fairer and how your friend ‘wasn’t your friend anymore’?
That’s not love.
Remember the time you made a stupid mistake and offended a dear friend? Remember how he/she exploded in anger and said some really hurtful things. Now the relationship isn’t the same, in fact, you barely speak to one another?
That’s not love.
Remember that argument that you had with your spouse/significant other/ family member/boss? You know, the one where all the mistakes you ever made in the past were brought up as fuel for the fire. Things you thought were long forgiven and forgotten suddenly became missiles that pierced your heart.
That’s not love.
The hardest part about loving someone the way Christ wants us to love is that we are so vulnerable. We lay ourselves out emotionally and physically in such a way that it is easy to get hurt. True love is that Christ-like kind of love that seeks what is good for the other person in every circumstance and relationship we find ourselves in along this journey we call life.
The struggles of life and the fact that we are human is the hardest part of loving. When you offend me (for the umpteenth time!), love says it’s okay. We’ll work though this. When I offend you (for the umpteenth time!), love tells me I know I can come to you and ask forgiveness without fear of this situation coming up in a much later conversation. Love endures countless emotional and physical let downs. Love knows when to stand up for ourselves or walk away graciously when we are in danger.
Christ-like love should be like a healing salve on the emotional, spiritual and physical wounds that others have put on us. It comforts, builds up, understands and forgives. Christ-like love is supernatural because in my humanness I’m too weak to love the way I want to. It is during those tough times of life when I rely on His love to give me strength and to strengthen those around me.
PRAYER: Father when I think about all the things love really means I’m in awe that anyone can love. When I see the many ways I’ve failed to love others and the many ways human love has hurt me, I am tempted to give up on love all together. I ask that you would encourage me to see that the love Paul describes is ideal, supernatural love. It’s not just the love you expect us to have for others, it’s the love we can expect from you. Empower me through your Holy Spirit to learn how to love those around me like you do. In your name I pray, Amen.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Philippians 4:11 (New International Version)
Contentment: The feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation.
The Bible tells us in numerous places and ways that we are to be content; have the joy of the Lord in our hearts; be joyful always; trust God in tribulation and the list goes on and on. When things are going well for us (the job is going well, gas prices are down, the teenagers are behaving and you are getting along with your spouse or significant other) it’s easy to be joyful, trusting and content.
But what about the other times? How can you be content when everything seems to go wrong around you, when God seems distant or angry with you and you feel yourself getting older and not getting better? How can you be content then?
There are many people out there that will give you three easy steps to contentment, or a product, service or program that will ‘bring you contentment’ but the reality is you already have everything at your disposal to be content!
While it’s not an easy thing to admit or practice, contentment is really about our reaction to the event around us more than it is the actual event, person or place. Contentment isn’t really about being happy! You can be content with your situation even though you aren’t happy about it. You an also be happy on the outside even though internally you are miserable. Paul tells us in Philippians he is content regardless of his circumstances because he ‘learned the secret’ to being content.
I’m not going to be one of those people who gives you the ‘three easy steps to contentment’. First of all, there is nothing easy about being content. Secondly each of us reacts to situations differently. However, here are some ideas to help you on the road to contentment.
First of all, each of us must realize that coming to the point of contentment is a process, a part of the journey of life. Paul says, “I have learned…”. Learning takes time and work and is best learned by experiencing discontentment. If you read the life of Paul you find that he was a man of extraordinary talent, wisdom and spiritual strength. But he was also a man who’d endured prison, had numerous attempts on his life and was physically and emotionally beaten.
I’m sure that the contentment the Paul talks about to the Phillippians was a contentment resulting from all the turmoil of his past. Little by little Paul saw that God provided for him in times of danger and prosperity. He had to go through the bad part of life in order to learn that God could really be trusted to take care of him.
Secondly contentment comes to us when we have a proper view of God, ourselves and others. When contentment is based on external things we are bound to be disappointed. Relationships fail. People fail. Economies and politics take different directions. Life is fluid and sometimes we end up in places we hate to be in.
Contentment based on the Soveriegn God isn’t dependent on external factors. He is always God. He is always in control. He always loves us and wants us to experience his love. Because of this, there is nothing that can effect His working in our lives.
We also need to have a proper view of ourselves. Sometimes the situations we find ourselves in are the result of choices we’ve made in the past or actions others have taken to hurt us. To live a life of contentment we need to forgive ourselves and forgive others for the things of our past. As long as we hold on to the issues of our past we will never be able to experience the contentment that God has for us.
Contentment based on relationships will fail regardless of how good those relationships are because relationships involve humans and humans fail. Sometimes we have to make the hard decisions to end relationships because they are harmful to us emotionally or physically. Ending a bad relationship, in some cases, may be the safest way to find contentment, but this must always involve forgiveness of the offending party as well. Even if trust is no longer possible, forgiveness is a requirement for your own healing.
PRAYER: Father God, there are so many things right now that are keeping me from being content. I worry about my job, my school, my friends, my family. It’s so hard for me to be content when everything seems to be falling apart around me. I realize now that I’ve been basing my contentment on external things and not the eternal and internal things you have for me. Help me to be patient and trusting as you bring the trials I must endure to learn contentment. Empower me with your Holy Spirit to trust you. Amen.
The LORD said to Samuel, “How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king.”1 Samuel 16:1
Samuel was a priest who experienced first-hand the nation Israel’s transition from being a people governed totally by God (through priests) and being governed by a King when he annointed Saul as the very first King of Israel.
In spite of Samuel’s help, Saul had not proven to be a king that honored God. He was too easily swayed by the opinions of the people and was openly disobedient to the rules God had set forth for him. As a result God would soon be removing Saul from the throne and replacing him with a new king.
When God made this announcement to Samuel, he was very sad indeed. In fact the Bible tells us that he reacted in the same way one would react if someone close to us had died, by going into mourning.
God came to Samuel one day and told him it was time to be done with his sadness. He had a new man chosen for the throne and Samuel would be the one to anoint him as King, just as he’d done with Saul.
The man Samuel would anoint was a shepherd boy named David. He would become the strongest King the nation Israel would ever see and be referred to by God himself as a ‘man after my own heart.’
Imagine what is must have been like for Samuel to be involved in one more transition of power. He’d poured a lot of time and effort into Saul and it hadn’t worked out at all the way he’d hoped. When Saul failed I’m sure that Samuel felt a little bit of a failure as well. It’s never easy to see projects of yours fail. That’s true whether those projects are people, places or things. Failure hurts.
In anointing David, Samuel would witness a passing of an era as well. Change is never easy. Especially when that change involves something that is near and dear to your heart.
While we may never have an opportunity to anoint a king or usher in a new era, each of us know what it is like to experience the pain of failure. We are all to familiar with the effects of change in our lives. Relationships fail that we’ve counted on for a lifetime. Favorite TV shows are pulled from the air. Businesses we have frequented close their doors. And with each of these events we feel the pain of their passing.
We don’t always understand the reason for the changes that come into our lives. As Christ-followers we need to remember that if we trust God and look objectively at the changes that come we will see how God can take changes that are tough to handle and make them into blessings for our future. When changes come remember that God has everything in His control and will take care of you in whatever new challenges arise.
PRAYER: Father God. There are so many changes going on in my life right now. Some are of my own doing. Many are being forced upon me. Regardless of the reason, change is hard for me to take. I ask that you would empower me with your Holy Spirit to accept the changes that are ahead of me and look for the blessings that will come as a result. Amen.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
When we’ve been hurt by someone it can take away a part of who we are. In some cases it’s a relatively mild thing. Our feelings are hurt by some sarcastic comment or a ‘friend’ tells us their opinion about something dear to us and it hurts.
In other cases, the violation of who we are is much more severe. We come home and find our home broken into and several things of emotional and physical value taken. Our spouse or significant other is caught in, or confesses to, an affair. We are the victim of assault, rape or domestic abuse.
These and many other things can attack the core of who we are. For that reason, and many others, forgiveness is tough. Somewhere along the line we’ve come to believe that forgiveness says, ‘What you did to me is okay’ or ‘I probably deserved all I got and more’ or a variety of other self-defamatory responses.
None of these things are true of course. Being hurt is never okay. Broken trust is, in some cases, impossible to mend. But forgiveness isn’t about justifying the actions of another person. Nor is forgiveness about condoning the attack. Forgiveness is about our own personal freedom. Forgiveness says, ‘I will not allow you to continue to control my emotions and my feelings about myself. I’m okay. I’m made in God’s image. Your actions against me were wrong, but I will not dwell on them. I will not allow your pain to cripple me for the rest of my life. I’m releasing you into the hands of God.’
Jesus often talked about forgiveness during His ministry on earth. In Matthew He states that we are to forgive others in order for God to forgive us. Forgiveness of our sins against God is forgiven only because of Jesus. Forgiveness can come no other way and by no action of our own.
Forgiveness of others is a choice. We have the power to make a decision to forgive others. We may not have the power to complete the process, but God’s Holy Spirit will help us with that.
Our refusal to forgive others is our choice. Much as He would like to intervene in the process, God has no choice but to allow us to choose to be unforgiving. He has no choice but to allow the consequences of unforgiveness (bitterness, anger, hatred, broken relationship) to plague us throughout our lives.
Forgiveness isn’t an attack on our personal integrity but being unforgiving is. Lifestyle forgiveness is a character trait that says “I will not allow the hurt you have brought into my life to affect how I feel about myself, others or even you. In the power of the Holy Spirit I am freeing myself of your control.”
PRAYER: Father God. I confess to you that I am struggling with hatred, bitterness and anger over the hurt that others have caused me in my past and present. I ask that your Holy Spirit would empower me to be able to forgive those who have hurt me so that I can live free of the bitterness, anger and hatred that are controlling me. Thank you that you love me just as I am. I’m your child. I will go forth this day free of the control that has bound me. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 