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The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray. Proverbs 12:26
In his book “When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People”, Gary Thomas talks about the power and danger of toxic relationships. Toxic people can destroy relationships and steal our freedom to be all we could be.
Toxic people can be found in the church and sometimes spread their toxicity ‘in the name of Jesus’ love’. Stories abound of people who stray from God because of toxic people who came into their lives and drew them away to a life totally foreign to what their upbringing taught them.
I have a friend who nearly lost his family because of his drinking. He was on the way to being an alcoholic when his wife walked out with his two daughters.
As we spent time talking about the situation he shared with me that he’d go into a bar with his friends with no intention of drinking, but once there, he was coerced by his friends to have ‘just one’, which unfortunately led to many.
Thankfully, he made the choices he needed to save his family. He chose to avoid the bar crowd and focus on more wholesome friendships. He and his wife are back together and are in the process of healing.
Am I saying we should only have ‘Christian friends’? Of course not! Jesus hung out with the socially outcast more than the ‘spiritually secure’. Yet, through the power of the Holy Spirit we need to be open to sharing our faith in a gentle way and get our strength from relationships that celebrate Jesus.
Influencers can be negative or positive. Choose to follow the positive, Christ centered influencers!
“…may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen. Hebrews 13:21
We like to be in control. Adam and Eve chose the fruit so they could be like God (control). Throughout history mankind has sought to be in control through politics, financial gain, racial and gender identity and docile influence.
Jesus has a different way. He provides the power. He provides the strength. But in order to access His great power he asks for control.
We like to think we can control our health, our relationships, even the climate and environment. Yet His Word makes it clear all life is under His control.
It’s His power not mine. He does the equipping not me. He is in control not science. He gives true comfort not the fickle comfort of culture.
When we give up control we see His glory not mine. And when He is glorified we find value and power.
One more strange dichotomy of the Christian life: to gain power and value give up control to Jesus.
Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19 (NLT)
How do you respond to someone who attacks you? Or maybe the question should be “Do you respond or react?”
Reaction is immediate, swift and impulsive. Response involves thought and time and deciding if the best action is non-action. Sometimes, of course, the situation itself dictates the answer to that question. For example, when physical harm is imminent there is no time to waste. Action must be swift.
There are other times when our best action may not be reaction but taking time to step back and consider our response. The human reaction when we are attacked is either fight or flight. The decision is often determined by our ability, or perceived ability to win. That’s what it’s really all about isn’t it? Isn’t that why the guy cut you off yesterday? You were in HIS lane? Isn’t that why you felt so good (for awhile anyway) when you didn’t give a tip to that incompetent, rude server at the restaurant during lunch? Isn’t that why you got into the face of your teenager when they were disrespectful to you ‘for the last time’? It was all about control, all about who will come out on top.
From the very beginning of time, every conflict has been about who will control what or whom. That was the motivation behind Satan as he entered the garden, it’s the basis of every national and family conflict ever since. We want to win and sometimes we want to win at all costs.
Psalm 37:11 teaches us, “But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity.”
That’s just the opposite of how we normally think. It’s not the meek that get anything except to be treated as doormats. But meekness isn’t weakness; meekness is having power that is under control. As believers in Jesus Christ we are not called to be doormats, we are children of the king. We are, however called to be meek. We have all the power of the Triune God on our side, but we are to consider how we can be meek when it comes to our own way.
Meekness is hard because meekness means that even though we have all power and even though we may be right, we release the situation in which we feel attacked or mistreated to God so that he can handle it.
Meekness means we wait for God’s timing, not our own. God has promised to protect us. He’s promised to be with us, to walk with us during the dark valleys of life. Sometimes his promises seem slow, but they are not slow. He’s just much more patient than we are.
Meekness means we trust God’s methods. When we are mistreated or attacked we have a pretty good idea of how it should be handled. Usually, if we are honest, it will be handled in a way that gives us glory. However, God’s intention is never to give us glory; God’s intention is to bring glory to Himself; it’s never about revenge but always about restoration.
Meekness goes against every human part of us. It can only come as we learn to give control of our lives to Jesus through the power of His Holy Spirit.
PRAYER: Lord Jesus. I confess that many of the conflicts I’m involved in are a result of my demands for my own way and not for your glory or the restoration of others. Empower me with your Spirit to give you the control in the conflicts in my relationships. Amen.
And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. 2 Peter 1:4 (NLT)
Rules. No one really likes them. Even when you are the one making the rules you don’t really like them. Rules can be made for many reasons. Some people make rules to protect themselves, to gain power over others, or to stop some issue that they have a personal problem with.
Nations have fallen and lives have been lost because people revolted against the rule makers or the rule makers enforced the rules harshly. Rules, by nature, carry with them the idea that you can’t have freedom and rules at the same time. Ironically, that is a rule in and of itself.
Rules can also be made with our best interest in mind. “Don’t touch a hot stove.” “Look both ways when crossing a street.” “Don’t do drugs.” Good rules. Made with your best interest in mind. No control issues there.
But we still get burned. We still get hit by cars when we run into the street. We still get addicted to drugs. Why? Because the human nature, the voices of the enemy tell us that we are invincible. We go ahead and have the affair because we’ll be careful and not hurt anyone. Speeding this time won’t hurt. Wearing a seat belt when I drive is being a sissy. We make up all sorts of excuses.
But breaking rules really amounts to one thing that none of us really wants to admit. Sin is fun. That’s another lie the enemy tells us and to be honest, he’s right…sort of. There’s something in our human nature, the adventurous side that tells us it’s exciting to live free of rules and that nothing bad will happen to us or others.
Oftentimes, people who proudly flaunt their lives of ‘freedom’ do so to cover up a gaping wound. They try to fill that wound with all sorts of things. Activities, friends, drugs, sex, multiple partners, even good things like working for charities. But they just can’t fill that wound.
The Apostle Peter shows us how to fill the void. The salve that heals our wound isn’t found in ourselves. It isn’t found in anything we see or do in this world. Healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ. The rules, so to speak, that He gives us for daily living aren’t so He can control us. They are there solely for our benefit.
That wound inside yourself can only be filled through forgiveness and faith in Jesus. The old nature, your human side, will still try to draw you back to the old ways. The ways of so-called freedom, but you know that so-called freedom only leads to more pain.
Allow the promises and new life of Christ to empower you to live in true freedom. Freedom from the guilt, the pain, the fear of being caught, the fear of death itself. He promises to empower you through His Spirit to live a full, refreshing, happy life free from the pain of the wound.
PRAYER: God in Heaven. I’ve known about you for a long time. I’ve even given my life to you at one point. But the pain of this wound was too great. I tried to fill it with things that didn’t satisfy and ended up hurting myself and others. Please forgive me for my weakness. Empower me to live for you in freedom. Thank you for your promises of excellence and power in my life. I accept your forgiveness and resolve to live in your power from this day forward. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 