You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘emotional abuse’ tag.
But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” Mark 11:25-26 (NLT)
It’s tucked away, almost hidden, within Jesus’ teaching on prayer. The disciples were looking for answers. Jesus had just stated that using the power of prayer the disciples had the ability to move mountains. Then, almost as though He read their minds He answered a question that hadn’t been answered.
It’s as if one (or more) of the disciples was thinking: “I pray. I have faith in you. I believe. I don’t want to move mountains. I just want to understand my kids!” Jesus tells them that to have real power, to see God move mightily in your life and in the lives of others around you, here is the secret. Forgive.
Unresolved conflict and anger bind us and our prayer lives. When we harbor grudges, judgmental attitudes and a critical spirit against someone else it keeps Gods power from manifesting itself through us.
It’s interesting to note what Jesus doesn’t say in this passage. He doesn’t tell the disciples to “Go and have a conversation with the person and tell them you forgive them.” His statement concerns His followers DURING their prayer time. While they are praying, during the very process of their time with the Heavenly Father, forgive.
Forgiving others does not condone what they have done to you. If you have been abused, especially emotionally, the abuser won’t admit to anything anyway. It doesn’t require any action on the part of the perpetrator of your wound.
Forgiveness of others is between you and God. No one else needs to be involved. While there may be times when God will eventually lead you to confront the person you need to forgive, it really is an agreement between you and your Heavenly Father to release yourself from their grip of hate, anger or pain.
Forgiveness frees you. When you are angry at someone, it could be because of some intentional act on their part, or something that they did unintentionally, it causes a wound that refuses to heal. Forgiveness is a healing salve that comforts and soothes. Forgiveness is for your benefit, not the benefit of anyone else.
Forgiveness is humanly initiated, yet supernaturally accomplished. Sometimes the pain we endure is so great that we have to come to the Father over and over again to confess our inability to let go of the pain that was caused. The first step to healing is to confess our pain and anger to God and ask Him to empower you to forgive. From that point forward it is His working in you, and in the situation to free you from the horrific bondage of a wounded soul.
Forgiveness takes time. It isn’t some magic oil that you apply once to the wound and it’s gone. When you bear a grudge or have been hurt in some way it is like a physical wound, in some cases worse than that. Just as the wound take time to heal, forgiveness takes time to work its way through the pain. Be patient. Don’t allow the abuse or mistakes of your past to imprison you. Let the healing salve of forgiveness free you for all God has in store.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father. I never thought I’d have to admit to you that I harbor hatred towards others. Some of my hatred is because of what has been done to my loved ones. Some of it is because of direct or indirect attacks from others. Some of it, I confess, is a result of my inability to remember that I’m your child and I’ve allowed others to attack who I am in you. Help me to forgive. Empower me with your Spirit today to free myself from the prison others have me in. Show me grace so that I can show it to others. Thank you for loving me. Amen.
When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him. Proverbs 16:7
I used to work at a factory where there was this old man, I’ll call him John, who was a walking Bible Encyclopedia. He was a short, stout little man who walked with a bit of a limp due to years of hard work on the farm and arthritis which had attacked him.
John wasn’t afraid to open ever conversation with something from the bible, a verse, a thought, a question about where you were with the Lord. He was a humble man with a captivating smile and a twinkle in his eye, and although he was a humble man, he wasn’t afraid to ‘boast’ a bit about the fact that he’d read the Bible through every year for 40 years! The man knew his Bible and he loved Jesus dearly.
While there were some that mocked John when he wasn’t around, no one turned him away when he stopped by to talk. He was a well respected man and when he died a few years later the church was packed with fellow factory workers, community people, family and friends, some of whom John had lead to a saving faith in Jesus.
The interesting thing to me about John is that there was nothing that would really draw you to the man. He was sort of, well, goofy in some ways and simple in others. He didn’t press himself on you, but he wasn’t afraid to ask how you were and give you advice on how to live life. He wasn’t concerned about how other people thought of him. He WAS concerned about what Jesus thought of him.
In the wisdom of Proverbs we see the way to living a life of peace. The way to living in peace is to focus on living for Jesus. It’s interesting to note there are three players in this short verse. Myself, God and my enemies. But my enemies are the third player and not directly involved in the process. The most important players are me and God.
There will always be those people who oppose us. We’ll be judged for our past, our family background, our gender, or life-style, our convictions, even our hair color. The list is endless of things people will be able to find to judge you on. Opposition in life is inevitable. If you aren’t opposed by SOMEONE in life about SOMETHING then you are doing NOTHING! It’s God’s job to deal with our enemies. Our only responsibility is to make sure we are in right relationship with Him.
What is important for us as Christ-followers is that we don’t give the enemy any ammunition. Peter tells us “Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.” (1 Peter 2:20). Many times we complain about persecution or attack and fail to realize that sometimes the actions against us are at least partially our own fault.
The message of Proverbs 16:7 is this. Make the main focus of your life today, to live for Jesus. Rely on His Spirit to guide your thoughts, actions and words. In this way, even though people will oppose you they will have no evidence to back up their attack. They may not like you, but they will have to admit (if nothing else to themselves) that their attacks are unjustified. Each of should live in such away that even our most vicious enemies will say, “I don’t like them, but I have to admit they seem to have their act together!”
PRAYER: Father God. You know better than I that there are people in my life that oppose me for many reasons. Some of those reasons may be justified. I ask that you would give me the wisdom and strength to resolve those to the best of my ability. I also pray that you would empower me to live from this day forward in such a way that others will have no evidence to convict me of their negative feelings about me. What I really want God, is for you to be glorified in my daily life to all that I come in contact with. I give you all the praise and glory for this. Amen.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
When we fall in love with someone there is a tendency to try to be everything that the person we love wants us to be. We may change the way we dress, the foods we eat, the music we listen to or anything else to try to win the ‘undying favor’ of the one loved.
If we are honest with ourselves and think about it, we make all these changes because we may feel afraid that if we don’t change we won’t be loved. While it’s never a bad thing to take a look at ourselves and consider making positive changes in our appearance or actions, they should never be at the expense of losing who we really are.
True love accepts you just the way you are. When God looks at you He is completely satisfied with everything you are. He may see things that He wants to work on with you to make you a better person, but He loves who you are completely. You need never fear losing that love.
Don’t allow the negative thoughts, words and actions of others to change how you feel about yourself. That’s not love. That’s mind manipulation and can lead to abuse either emotionally or even physically. Love should never have to hurt; should never be based on fear; should never require that you change who you are. Love accepts.
The only way to true love is through the one who is love. The Bible says that God is love. It doesn’t say that God has love in His heart or that God can love you if you change. When it says ‘God is love’ it means that love is in His very essence, His very soul. Everything about Him is love.
Because His love is perfect there is no fear with God. He doesn’t get mad at you when you fail. He won’t threaten you when you mess up for the third time in one day. He won’t give you the quiet treatment or throw things at you or remind you constantly that you failed Him last week. He won’t rely on put-downs and sarcasm to win an argument. That’s not love.
Be a believer in who you are because of Christ Jesus. When God looks at you in love He does so because you are His most valuable creation. Don’t allow the words of others and the threats of others change what you know. God loves you and He will never leave you. That’s what true love is about. If someone threatens you or makes you afraid in any way THAT is not love.
PRAYER: Father I thank you today that you are a God of love. I thank you that in my weakest moments, when I rebel selfishly, demand my own way or think evil of others, You still love me. You don’t require me to change to earn your love because there is nothing I can do to earn your perfect love. Please help me to live a life of love without fear. Empower me to break loose from any bondage, any person that includes fear or pain as a part of their love. I want to be free to love without fear from this point forward. Amen.
You prepare a feast for me, in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Psalm 23:5 (NLT)
Sometimes we feel completely overwhelmed with life. It seems like all of our enemies are crouching at our door, waiting for an opportune time to attack and conquer us. Enemies come in all shapes and sizes. Some are emotional enemies like worry, fear, our past sins, hidden sins and the fear of being found out or feeling like we are a failure and we will never be successful.
Sometimes those enemies are physical enemies such as illness, debt, abusive relationships or critics. Enemies can be consequences of poor decisions in the past. We know we are forgiven. We know God loves us, but we can’t shake the guilt. We can’t get past the realization of hindered and destroyed dreams. We are so imprisoned by ‘what could have been’ that we are fail to see ‘what could be’.
The Psalmist paints a beautiful picture for those of us hounded by emotional and physical enemies in our lives. In the midst of the battlefield, our Heavenly Father places a great feast and you are the guest of honor! The only way you can eat a feast in the midst of your enemies is if the person putting on the feast is stronger than all the enemies that surround you. It’s as if you are able to eat and celebrate in complete safety while your enemies sit just outside the door rendered completely helpless and unable to attack.
This is no small meal that God has prepared for you. This is a feast! Everything at a feast is for your pleasure and comfort. You have servants to wait on you and bring you what your heart desires. The atmosphere is festive and safe. Although there are problems just outside the door, they have no affect on you.
As guest of honor, the master himself anoints you with oil. Anointing of oil was done in the Psalmists day to honored guests. It was aromatic oil that smelled good and refreshed your soul after a hot dusty day.
During those times when the enemies lurking at your door seem ready to break the walls down; in those quiet moments when fear and worry are relentless in their pursuit of you, remember that even in the mist of trial and turmoil your Heavenly Father has the power and desire to provide for you.
Draw close to God during the fearful times. He is passionate in His desire for you as a passionate lover desires the one he loves. When you rely on Him for protection and wisdom the enemies lurking at the door will have no power over you.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father. I thank you for the picture I have in my mind right now. A picture of a table, a great feast where I sit in the midst of a huge celebration. Although there are enemies at my door I sit in peace and comfort knowing that you will protect me. The fragrant oil of your love relaxes me in your presence. Help me today to live as the guest of honor. No enemy can attack when you are near. I praise you for your love and protection. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 