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It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5
Remember growing up and having that ‘friend’ that always made the rules about the games you played? Remember how, for some strange reason, the rules always gave them the advantage? Remember the time you tried to stand up for yourself and change the rules to be fairer and how your friend ‘wasn’t your friend anymore’?
That’s not love.
Remember the time you made a stupid mistake and offended a dear friend? Remember how he/she exploded in anger and said some really hurtful things. Now the relationship isn’t the same, in fact, you barely speak to one another?
That’s not love.
Remember that argument that you had with your spouse/significant other/ family member/boss? You know, the one where all the mistakes you ever made in the past were brought up as fuel for the fire. Things you thought were long forgiven and forgotten suddenly became missiles that pierced your heart.
That’s not love.
The hardest part about loving someone the way Christ wants us to love is that we are so vulnerable. We lay ourselves out emotionally and physically in such a way that it is easy to get hurt. True love is that Christ-like kind of love that seeks what is good for the other person in every circumstance and relationship we find ourselves in along this journey we call life.
The struggles of life and the fact that we are human is the hardest part of loving. When you offend me (for the umpteenth time!), love says it’s okay. We’ll work though this. When I offend you (for the umpteenth time!), love tells me I know I can come to you and ask forgiveness without fear of this situation coming up in a much later conversation. Love endures countless emotional and physical let downs. Love knows when to stand up for ourselves or walk away graciously when we are in danger.
Christ-like love should be like a healing salve on the emotional, spiritual and physical wounds that others have put on us. It comforts, builds up, understands and forgives. Christ-like love is supernatural because in my humanness I’m too weak to love the way I want to. It is during those tough times of life when I rely on His love to give me strength and to strengthen those around me.
PRAYER: Father when I think about all the things love really means I’m in awe that anyone can love. When I see the many ways I’ve failed to love others and the many ways human love has hurt me, I am tempted to give up on love all together. I ask that you would encourage me to see that the love Paul describes is ideal, supernatural love. It’s not just the love you expect us to have for others, it’s the love we can expect from you. Empower me through your Holy Spirit to learn how to love those around me like you do. In your name I pray, Amen.
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28
A couple weeks ago we went to a local apple orchard on our fall run to pick some fresh, crisp apples. As we were walking through the rows and rows of trees our conversation turned to the many types of apples there are. Some are sweet, some tart; some soft, some hard; some are good for eating right off the tree, others are better for pies, baking and apple sauce. Amazing the choices we have and there are new varieties coming out every year.
Enemies are like apples in a sense. There are all sorts of them out there. There are enemies a half a world away that we hear about on the news. We shake our heads at them and perhaps our fists. We pray for them, but for most of us, our prayers are vague, general voices of concern for people we’ve never met, and based on fear of our own safety and freedom.
There are the enemies based in the political arena, whether that is church politics or government. Again, we’ve never seen them but the choices they make directly, or indirectly affect our comfort and from time to time attack our convictions.
There is the unseen enemy of course. Satan, or one of his ugly cohorts, lurks behind every corner waiting to through darts of worry, temptation, judgmental, anger or a whole host of lies at us. Lies about our self-worth; lies about our God; lies about other people.
Perhaps the biggest enemy each of us faces every day is the enemy next door. I don’t mean your physical neighbor, but those who are closest to you emotionally. The child that no longer sees it necessary to follow your faith; the spouse who neglects, abuses or abandoned you, the boss who never sees anything you do as worthwhile. The friend or family member that misunderstands you, accuses you or makes you feel worthless. The parent who has never ever been there for you but now has all this advice to give you, advice you don’t need or want.
These enemies hurt the worst because, if we let them, they determine who we are, how we feel about ourselves and what God is like. They are the closest ones to us emotionally and can destroy us in a heartbeat with a flippant word, sarcasm or open attack.
It’s also these enemies that Jesus talked about on the hillside that day. He wasn’t telling the people to love some system that caused them pain. He was talking about the people we rub shoulders with every day. The ones that hurt us constantly. The people who, when we see them, cause the lump to form in your gut.
So, how can we do that? How can we love that person who hates the ground we walk on? How can we love that person who once professed to love us but has now turned their back on us? What Jesus is really commanding us to do is to counter every negative action directed towards us with a positive action. Sometimes that may mean that even though we have to remove ourselves from a harmful situation, we still refuse to speak evil of the person who attacked us. Sometimes it may mean praying a prayer that says, “God, I am supposed to pray for them but I’m so full of hurt right now I can’t. Help me.” I believe God honors the honest prayer of helplessness when we have to deal with the painful enemies of our heart.
I have to confess that the idea of being kind to people who have openly, intentionally and willfully attacked me isn’t pleasant. In fact, I struggle to do that. This is perhaps the hardest part of the Christian life, to love those in my circle who refuse to love back. So, how do we do it? Here are some suggestions from a person who has not yet attained.
- Remember that God DOES love you and understands how hard it is to love people who reject and hurt you. People do it to Him every day and since we are made in His image that means He feels that pain as well.
- Remember that God also created the ‘jerks’ of the world and His desire it to bring them to Himself, just as He did you.
- Remember that God realizes that you can’t do this on your own. It’s a process and requires that we lean heavily on the power of the Holy Spirit to help us.
- Lastly, Remember that we are told to love our enemies and as much as possible live at peace with them. Loving our enemies doesn’t necessarily mean we trust and live in relationship with those who have abused us physically, spiritually or emotionally.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father. I’m hurt. The hurt that I feel right now is the result of people who I thought I could trust who have turned on me. They are family members, friends, former lovers and/or even my own children. I feel completely alone and misunderstood here. Still, because of Jesus in my life I want to do as you’ve commanded. I want to love my enemies through the power of your Holy Spirit. Please help me have the wisdom and strength to love those nearest to me. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. 1 Thessalonians 5:15
‘I don’t get mad, I get even!’. We hear it said, or even say it all the time. Most of the time it’s meant in jest, but if we are honest, there are many times we get even when we’ve been hurt or offended. There are a variety of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of retaliation, but all have the same goal, to make sure the other person ‘pays’ for hurting us or crossing us.
Getting even is usually counter-productive. We are hurt by others so we hurt others in hopes of making our pain less. I’m not trying to minimize the pain of being attacked. Whether the attack is physical or emotional, the pain can be unbearable. Sometimes I think the emotional pain is worse because it leaves no visible bruises and we suffer alone.
It may be hard to admit it to ourselves, but many times our desire to ‘get even’ is a result of our own self-image. When we’re attacked, the enemy likes to whisper in our ear and tell us we are unworthy, unlovely, ugly, fat, stupid, weak and a whole list of other lies. The enemy loves to get us to think badly of ourselves so that we forget who we really are. We are children of the King!
Retaliation almost always leads to a negative spiral. You hurt me so I hurt you so you hurt me so I hurt you…and on and on. Many marriages and other relationships are destroyed because no one steps out of the circle.
When Christ-followers are involved in a negative spiral it shows the world that we are no different than they are. We talk of love and forgiveness but show none! In fact, sometimes the ‘evil sinners’ of the world are far kinder and forgiving than those of us who call ourselves Christians.
Paul writes to the church in Thessalonica and reminds them that retaliation (paying back evil for evil) should never be a part of the body of Christ. Rather, we are to do good to each other. This should be the defining mark of every church. People may not always agree with our stands on issues, but they should never question our love for each other and for them.
There’s an old Christian song that says “We are one in the Spirit….they will know we are Christians by our love’. If we are to impact our corner of the world for Jesus this should be our way of life. We will be hurt and offended. We will be attacked and misunderstood. We’ll be lied about. Our response should always be one of kindness even in situations where we have to separate us from our attacker because of the physical/emotional damage they have done to us.
Remember this. You are loved by God. He made you just as you are. If God had a chance to make you over again, He’d make you the same way that you are now! Let Him handle the crabby customer at work, the jerky driver on the interstate, the know-it-all gossip at your church. Rely on the Holy Spirit to empower you to show kindness and wisdom every time you are attacked. In this way, the world will know what it means to have the love of Jesus in our lives.
PRAYER: Father, I confess to you that it’s far easier for me to retaliate than to react with love, kindness and forgiveness. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m harder on my ‘Christian’ friends than I am on the ‘evil sinners’ I pray for each day. When someone hurts me, remind me that I’m yours. Empower me to remove myself from danger and rely on you for justice. Anoint my wounds with the healing oil of your love. If there is anyone to whom I should ask forgiveness please show them to me today. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done. Proverbs 19:17
In our times of uncertainty, the credit rating has become huge in determining if we will reach our goals. It wasn’t long ago that a mediocre credit rating could give you all the money you thought you needed to get all those cool toys you wanted. But easy credit led to debt because we borrowed way more than we could possibly pay. Now our dreams for dream home have changed to a hoping for a home at all; rather than the shiny sports car we just hope we have enough money to keep our 15 year old sedan running one more year; and Christmas…tighten your belt because even Santa is having trouble these days.
Financial institutions are afraid to loan money these days because so many of us are in debt that they can’t take the risk. Those with good collateral or an outstanding credit rating get the money they are seeking at the best loan rates.
God’s economy doesn’t work anything like mans economy. God’s economy isn’t built on what we have or what we’ve done in the past. God’s economy is built on who He is and what we do with Him.
Proverbs 19:17 isn’t so much about money as it is how we treat each other. Sometimes our actions towards one another are built on the philosophy of ‘what will I get in return for this.’ At the very least, when we do something nice for someone we expect a ‘thank you’. If we don’t get thanked we feel slighted and may think twice about doing something for that person again.
Relationship Credit Ratings also ask the question, ‘What have you done to me/for me in the past?’ It’s easy to be kind to kind people. It’s easy (and sometimes safer) to avoid angry people. Angry people hurt people and none of us wants to be hurt. Being kind is as risky as loaning money to a person with bad credit. The result can be the same. You get burned and feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.
As Christ-followers we need to take a different look at kindness. Each of us has a ‘Love Bank’ within us. We take from this bank to do kind things for others. When that kindness is returned we deposit it back in our bank to share with others. Sometimes though, our tank runs dry. We are in abusive situations, we are hounded by the guilt and shame of our past, we’re overworked, underpaid and so deep in trouble we can’t see the end of the tunnel.
What we need to make progress on this journey called life is a bank account that is endless. Proverbs says that when we show kindness to someone; no matter who it is; no matter what they have done to us in the past; no matter how ungrateful or undeserving they are, we should do it as though we are lending to God. Our actions may not be appreciated by others, but they will be by God.
When we do good things for ‘bad people’ we are drawing off the Love Bank of God. His ‘bank’ has unlimited assets. Every time we make a withdrawal from God’s bank account, He promises to reward us! Be kind to each other as though we were being kind to God. Consider what He has done for you when you interact with those who may not be pleasant. You will reap the rewards of God’s love when you do.
PRAYER: Father God, I thank you today for your great kindness and love. I confess to you that there are some days, and some people who I have a real hard time being kind to. They have hurt me, taken advantage of me and judged me unfairly. Empower me by Your Spirit to show them kindness because of you and not based on their Relational Credit Rating. In Jesus name, Amen.
Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10
Growing up in a pastor’s family, our table always seemed to have at least one guest for every meal. Sometimes it was just one of our childhood friends, other times it was extended family or ‘special guests’ from the church.
Regardless of whom the extra plate belonged to at our table, one rule was supreme. Company first. Period. The reason for that rule was summed up in one word: honor. The honor we gave to our guests really had nothing to do with their status or social standing. It was a choice we made as a family (under the direction of our parents) to make sure that people who sat at our table were special. There were no signs, no special announcements, no expectations. In fact, most people probably didn’t give it a second thought, but we did. We kids learned a valuable lesson in honor and respect.
During Old Testament times God instituted many rules and regulations to direct worship. One of them was that the Israelites were to give the first part of the harvest to Him. In the culture of that day, first things held a tremendous amount of significance. The first-born son (sorry ladies) was given special privileges and a larger part of the inheritance. The first part of the harvest was also considered of special significance.
It’s no surprise then, that God required the people to set aside the most important part of their lives to Him. He was to hold first place in their lives. The harvest symbolized everything that was important in the life of the Jew.
Today, because of Jesus death and resurrection, we live in by Grace. The laws and regulations of the Old Testament have been fulfilled by the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus! There are no more laws, no actions, no activities or rituals that will move God to give us special treatment. Because of Jesus we have all the honor, love and forgiveness God has to offer.
However, it’s still important to realize that we can, and should do things that will show honor to our Father in Heaven for all that He has done for us. Even though we may struggle with addictions, health issues or relational difficulties, we still have Jesus. We still have the power of the Holy Spirit within us. We still have the promise of Heaven.
As a point of honor we should consider our giving to God an act of worship. Every penny we earn is really Gods’ anyway. Giving to Him first is one way we can proclaim that He is Lord of every aspect of our lives. It’s amazing how our giving with a right attitude can make the money go further.
Some people teach that everyone should tithe 10% of their earnings to God. While I believe there are some who can do that, and that God will bless us more as we give more, God looks more on the attitude of our giving more than the amount of our gift.
This may sound strange, but the next time you sit down to pay the bills, before you begin to worry be there won’t be enough money to cover the stack of papers before you, thank your Heavenly Father for what He has given you. Make the first check you write out a check to your local church or ministry you support. Remember, it’s the attitude behind the gift that is the most important. Then, trust the one who holds the wealth of the universe in His hands. Financial worries abound in our time. But our Father desires to show us His blessing as we honor Him.
PRAYER: Father, I thank you for the fact that you know my needs better than anyone else. You know all about the debts I owe and the struggles I’m facing. I confess that some of this debt is my own desire to have things. Some of my struggles are beyond my control. I hereby offer this gift to You in order to show you the Honor you deserve. Empower me to trust you for my needs. In the name of Jesus, my Lord, Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 