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For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. 1 Corinthians 15:9
“I don’t deserve this.”
How many times do we hear that said, or maybe we’ve said that after we’ve been criticized or wrongfully accused. Maybe we’ve been judged unfairly for not meeting the expectations of others. Then there are the times when people play the comparison game, “Not bad, but sally does it better.”
Life is hard when it never seems like we can catch a break. If there was anyone who deserved to be scrutinized, the Apostle Paul was one.
He was a Pharisee, and likely had some part in the decision to murder Jesus. He gleefully watched the stoning of Stephen after Jesus’ resurrection and ascension. He celebrated the persecution, imprisonment and physical beating each follower of ‘The Way’ received.
After his conversion to Jesus, Paul was called to preach this same Jesus that he’d ridiculed earlier. There were many who doubted him, right up until the day he died. Among other things, he was beaten, jailed, stoned and left for dead, and shipwrecked.
Paul could have said, ‘I don’t deserve all this! I’m the Apostle Paul after all. I was called by Jesus Himself. I’m important.” But he didn’t.
Instead Paul counted himself of being unworthy of any ministry at all because of his former life. The mistreatment he endured was nothing compared to what Jesus endured.
Jesus was completely innocent of any sin, yet rejected, abused and murdered. Elsewhere Paul says he would gladly go through abuse because of what Jesus endured for him.
None of us deserve to be mistreated on the physical plain, yet compared to God’s Holy standards, we all deserve so much more. We deserve death, but Jesus gives us life. We deserve punishment for our sins, but Jesus gives us forgiveness. We deserve poverty, Jesus provides from heavens storehouses.
I don’t deserve the abuse I get, but in reality, I deserve so much more! Thank you Jesus for sparing me from what I truly deserve.
Last of all, as though I had been born at the wrong time, I also saw him. 1 Corinthians 15:8
We can’t be sure, but it’s very likely that the man we know as the Apostle Paul at least knew ABOUT Jesus while he ministered on earth.
Saul, as he was known before his conversion, was a high ranking Pharisee and would have heard about this ‘teacher from Galilee. He would have heard about the miracles. He could have heard about His teachings. He may have even been involved in planning his death!
One might ask, how could someone see so many good things and still reject Jesus? How could one see the miracles and still not believe? How could one see the life changes and still doubt?
Yet, that was Saul’s story until that fateful day on a road to Damascus. Saul was enjoying the prestige and power he had over these ‘followers of the way’ these believers in Jesus. He spewed hate, anger and judgment. He basked in the glory of his violence.
Then he saw Jesus in a new way and everything changed. There are still many who know ABOUT Jesus. They’ve heard the stories. They’ve seen the life change. Yet they have yet to ‘see’ Jesus.
There are even those of us who have walked with Jesus for years that have a tendency to grow so content with Him that we fail to live in the power of His Spirit living within us.
May we each see Jesus for who He is in all His power and majesty. May we never grow apathetic in our worship of Him. May we live in such a way that others see Jesus because of how we interact with them.
For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:9
I was taken back by her response. She’d made some choices that had huge implications for three families. Two had already ended in divorce as a result of her actions. Yet she tried to justify it by saying, “But I’m happy. God wants us happy, right?”
I have to admit I didn’t respond like I should have. I stuttered a, “yes”. Afterwards I wished I’d had the answer I received after I left the conversation.
Does God want us happy? The human logic says yes. After all, He’s a God of love, right? As our father, wouldn’t He want us happy? After all, any loving parent wants their child to be happy. Right?
On the surface the answer may be ‘yes’ until you start to dig deeper. If my child wants something to eat, I’ll certainly want him to be happy and give them food (healthy food that is). But what about if they ask to drink a glass of gasoline? What if they want to play with a loaded gun? What if…well, I think you get the idea.
Before God wants us happy, He wants us holy. Holiness on God’s level is perfection and we will never reach that in this early life. But holiness on the human level is different.
Holiness on the human level means to be set apart, to follow the direction and plan of God. Holiness may not lead to the emotional happiness of the human heart, but it will lead to the joy of realizing God’s peace in our lives.
Human holiness leads to a deeper relationship with God. Happiness on the human plain does not, it hinders our relationship with God. God’s plan has always been for relationship. He knew we would fail but He loved us anyway. A believer’s purpose in life is two fold. First is to be Holy (only possible through the Holy Spirit). God knew we would be enticed by shiny things in our environment, but gave us grace. We are called to live in holiness as a result of the Holy Spirit working through us. God intends our holiness to empower others to partake in the blessings he has for us.
True happiness comes with the Holy Spirit’s working in us to exhibit holiness. Sometimes I think ‘holiness’ is better translated ‘whole-ness’. When we live in God’s holiness we feel complete no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in.
The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. Lamentations 3:25
One of the hardest times in life, is when people that we trust and rely on, fail us. It happens all the time.
Sometimes people fail us because we have failed to meet their expectations.
Sometimes people leave our relationship with them because we just aren’t that important.
Sometimes, while we rely on them, they are far too involved in their own lives to realize the impact they’ve had in our lives. As a result, they leave us with a huge hole in our hearts.
God isn’t like that. Earlier, Jeremiah says that God’s love and mercy is new every day. He reminds us that when others fail us, God never will.
Sometimes we think God fails us because he doesn’t do what we would like him to do. When that happens, in reality, the god that has failed us has been a god of our own creation, not the God of creation.
In the dark times of life, when it seems everyone else has abandoned us, keep searching for God.
Keep searching for the one who has promised to love us new every day.
Yesterday‘s failures are lessons learned.
Tomorrow’s dreams are hopes yet to come.
But today? Today is the day God has for us to accomplish what he calls us to do.
The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. Luke 15:16
When you are at your lowest, even the most repulsive things look good. A Jewish boy would never think of being in the presence of a pig. They were repulsive in the Jewish religion and one would be defiled being in the presence of one.
Jesus tells the story of a good Jewish family. The dad had worked hard to build a good lifestyle for his family.
We aren’t told about the spiritual upbringing of the family, but it’s safe to assume that like any Jewish boys, his two sons went to synagogue school every week and learned the importance of following the law.
But families back then, like some families now, weren’t always as squeaky clean as we’d like to think they are. What we see on the outside isn’t necessarily what is going on behind closed doors, or in the hearts of those within the household.
The older son was hardworking, responsible and outwardly loyal to his dad. The younger son had an edge to him no doubt. He may have been a bit rebellious and fed up with the rules and regulations of home life. Why else would he decide to pack his bags, take his inheritance and head off to a life of fun?
The younger son learned the hard way that some friendships last as long as the money holds out. His money was spent. His pseudo friends were gone. But his pride was still intact.
So in an effort to get back on his feet he looked for a job. There was no way, that he would return home and admit he was wrong.
The only job available was at a hog farm where he learned how to feed and care for pigs. I wonder how long it took him to reach bottom? Hog farmers will tell you that hog manure is perhaps the worst smelling manure of all the farm animals and the younger son was living in it!
One day, he was so hungry the hog feed started to look pretty good to him. Did he take just a little taste to solve his curiosity or was the mere thought of it coupled with the stench of his job and the memories of mom’s home cooking what brought him to the end?
When we reach the bottom even though most repulsive things seem good.
You know the rest of the story. The forming and practicing of the speech. The walking home rehearsing it in his mind. Each step closer to home one of excitement and fear (will he take me back?)
He never had a chance to finish his speech. His dad cut him off. There was a celebration to plan, a feast to prepare, guests to invite.
Some think it was the hog food that pushed the boy home, I think it was the prayers of a loving father that pulled the boy home.
Wherever you are, whatever struggles you are enduring, whatever failures you are working through, your father is praying for you to come home.
When we are at our lowest, He is at His strongest to woo us back home into His arms.
The son thought it was hunger that drew his thoughts towards home but I’m guessing it was the moving of God as a result of the prayers of his father.
The same is true for you, you know. Whatever struggle you may be working through is the result of someone who is praying for you and the desire of your father for you to come home.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 