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Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. Ephesians 4:31 (CEV)
A few years back now a building was constructed on a vacant lot near where I worked. Shortly after its completion, people in the building complained about headaches, bad smells and frequent illnesses. Further investigation showed that somehow in the construction process black mold had begun to grow.
Efforts to solve the problem were fruitless and within just a couple years of its completion the health department was forced to condemn the building. It was demolished and turned into a parking lot!
Bitterness is like the black mold in that building. It can go unnoticed for a period of time. It grows in places we don’t think to look. It can start growing at the slightest infraction.
Bitterness can happen when a friend says one small thing that we take the wrong way. It can happen when some guy we don’t even know cuts us off on the interstate or a co-worker is using the copier and we are in a hurry to get something copied. It happens in churches when the pastor makes a comment or preaches a sermon that steps on a few toes.
It doesn’t matter where bitterness starts, if bitterness goes unchecked it can be a relationship breaker. Bitterness launches a two-pronged attack on our relationships. First of all, like black mold it eats away at us on the inside. It robs us of our joy, our self-esteem and our ability to be intimate with people. We sink further inward and become angry. Our lives are motivated by a judgmental and critical spirit. Bitterness not only destroys families and friendships, it can destroy your health.
If caught in time, there are ways to stop or at least lessen the results of black mold in a building before it becomes uninhabitable. If caught in time the effects of bitterness can be removed and relationships prevented or restored.
The first step to making sure bitterness isn’t a part of your life is to identify the real reason for your bitterness. Many times the things that cause bitterness in our soul can be traced to things that attack our view of ourselves. Take whatever it is to Jesus.
Remember you are God’s special creation. Nothing that comes into your life happens for without a reason. God allows things that can cause bitterness to come into our lives to help us grow stronger, not to destroy us.
Lastly, ask forgiveness for your angry and bitter spirit. Begin today to rid your life of those dark corners of anger and bitterness that can destroy relationships around you.
PRAYER: Father God, lately I find myself getting angry over the smallest things. I blame others, say things I don’t mean to say and push people I love away. Please help me see what it really is that is making me so bitter. Forgive me for my anger. Empower me with your spirit to avoid bitterness and repair damaged or broken relationships. In your name I pray, Amen.
So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. Ephesians 4:25 (NLT)
The foundation of any relationship is honesty. Like any building, if the foundation isn’t built on solid ground, the entire building will crumble regardless of the skills of the architect and the builder. In the same way, relationships built on passion alone, or money or ‘having things in common’ are only as strong as the amount of honesty between the parties in the relationship.
‘Thou shalt not lie’ is much more than one of the Ten Commandments. It’s foundational to our social, political and spiritual well being. Even so, it’s dishonesty that comes naturally to us and destroys even the best of relationships.
Lies. They come in all sizes shapes and colors. We consider ‘little white lies’ as being harmless. We see lies about our sexuality, bank account size, income and religious or political beliefs as being major or even immoral.
So where does true honesty start? True honesty begins in the heart of each of us. Until we are honest with ourselves we can never hope to be honest with others. In their book “Telling Yourself the Truth” William Backus and Marie Chapain tell us ‘most of what happens in your life happens because of the way you think.’ The way you think of yourself is the foundation of how you think of others.
A 2007 study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention states that the number of suicides in the USA was double the number of homicides! It’s safe to say that a majority of those taking their own lives believed lies about themselves. Lies they conjured up in their own minds or lies others have said about them.
So what is the truth about you? The truth is you are created in the image of God. You are his special creation. Nothing you have done will ever change that. Nothing anyone says about you will ever change that. You are God’s chosen possession. His masterpiece.
Secondly, no matter what your past is like, Jesus Christ came to forgive you of your sin and make you a new creation. A new person inside and out. It’s time to stop listening to the lies you are telling yourself or others are saying about you. It’s time to listen to what God says about you in His Word, the Holy Bible. Religion won’t tell you the truth. Social movements and political parties will lie. Only God will tell you who you really are.
PRAYER: Hey God, I’ve been listening to what people say about me and I’m starting to believe all the awful things they say about me. I’ve been dishonest with myself, with you and with others. Empower me by your spirit to be honest with myself first and then with others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
But those who do right will continue to do right, and those whose hands are not dirty with sin will grow stronger. Job 17:9
It was one of the first lessons we learned as we were growing up. On a daily basis we’d hear something like, “Dinner is ready, wash your hands!” or, “Yes Johnny that is a nice puppy. Now be sure to wash your hands.”; at a local aquarium, right next to the pools of water teeming with fish is a small basin with soap and paper towels so you can wash your hands after petting the various forms of sea life.
No one would dispute the importance of hand washing. A cartoon I saw once showed an unsuspecting man coming out of the restroom at a restaurant. Immediately a sign above the door blinks in big bold letters, “DIDN’T WASH HANDS!”
But the reality is, many of us think of washing hands as a relatively minor issue. Admit it now. The last time you grabbed a snack or sat down at the table (when the kids weren’t looking of course) did you wash your hands? “Well, maybe on occasion…” you may say, “but it’s not a big deal!”
Or is it? Would you want your dentist to stick his hands in your mouth without washing his hands first? How about your surgeon? Would you feel comfortable going under the knife when the guy holding that knife had dried blood on his knuckles from yesterday’s surgery?
‘Of course NOT!” you say with disgust!’
Hands don’t have to look dirty to be harmful. Reality is, even clean hands have germs on them and some of those germs can be harmful to our health. In the same way, sin affects our relationship with our God. We may think this sin or that sin is too small to worry about. They don’t show up. Others can’t see them. They are just little things that don’t really matter.
Even the smallest sin in our lives can affect God’s ability show his power in our lives. Others may not see the things you harbor in your life but God does and he is more likely to give big things to those who take care of the little things in life.
Having clean hands is really a pretty simple thing. All you have to do is apply a little soap and water and you are good to go. Sin is the same way. Soap and water won’t get rid of sin, but the blood of Jesus will! That’s what grace is all about. You don’t wash your hands before you wash your hands. That’s silly. And you can’t clean up the sin in your life before you come to Jesus. That’s what grace is about. Grace says Jesus will clean up what I can’t. Get rid of the guilt of sin in your life. It’s as simple as washing your hands.
PRAYER: Father God, there are so many ‘little things’ in my life that are keeping me from all you have for me. I’ve fooled myself long enough thinking those things won’t matter but they will. Forgive me for the little things. Cleanse me through the blood of Jesus. Amen.
No one who is dishonest will live in my house; no liars will stay around me. Psalm 101:7 (NCV)
You have a beautiful Ash tree in your back yard. The tree has been there since you first moved in. It’s been a climbing tree for your kids and now your grandkids. Their favorite tire swing hangs from that tree. It’s been the home of countless birds over the years, been shade for innumerable tea parties and withstood several storms and harsh winters.
Now, in a matter of a couple years it stands leafless. You noticed over the past couple years that its branches were becoming bare, but even so its nakedness catches you by surprise. You do some research and find out the culprit of your Ash tree’s demise is a little beetle about 1/3 of an inch long. The Emerald Ash Borer doesn’t look that impressive but it destroys thousands of trees every year.
In the same way that the Emerald Ash Borer destroys thousands trees every year, little white lies destroy or damage relationships. They start out small. Little ‘half-truths’ we call them. Little statements that we call harmless, but often grow more damaging as we try to cover our tracks.
A friend of mine was an investigator for law enforcement. One day he told me that he never believes the person he is investigating until he tells this story the third time. The first two times always add or take away facts that may incriminate him. The third version of the story usually brings all the facts together.
The Psalmist states clearly that dishonesty will never have a place under his roof. Why? Is he legalistic? Is he judgmental and demanding? Is he unfeeling and merciless? Not really. The Psalmist simply realizes that the most destructive thing to a relationship is a lie. Lies, regardless of their color, size or shape, are equally destructive to trust in a relationship.
Most of the time we lie to ourselves, others or even God (like he doesn’t know the truth!) to protect ourselves from conflict and/or to avoid consequences of our own behavior. Honesty with ourselves, others or God may be difficult and painful at first, but the pain we suffer for telling the truth the first time will be less than the pain we suffer for those ‘little white lies’ that grow into destructive monsters.
Take a lesson from the Emerald Ash Borer. Those little lies you tell will never help a relationship and will most likely cause damage in the long run. Being honest with yourself and with God is the first step to honesty with others.
PRAYER: Father God. I confess to you what you already know. I have a hard time being honest with you. I have a hard time being honest with others. I now realize that the difficulty I have with being honest is that I don’t feel good about me. Help me to have the confidence and strength to be honest with myself so I can be honest with others (including you). In Jesus name, Amen.
Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. Matthew 6:21 (NLT)
A group of us were enjoying coffee and dessert. Most of us were college students from a small group at the church I attended, but one couple was middle aged. Both husband and wife were well established in medical careers. They were very wealthy compared to any of us college students!
The very fact that the two doctors were even there seemed out of place. We were sitting in a small apartment in an area of the city that was old, rundown and not very safe. This couple currently lived on a beautiful hobby farm where they had several horses and a beautiful view of the valley.
In the midst of the laughter and meaningless chatter one of our group asked what she thought was a simple question. She asked the couple, “What do you think was the happiest time of your lives?”
I was expecting to hear about the birth of their first child or perhaps finishing school, or getting that first job. When the question was asked the couple smiled and looked at each other. The wife spoke first and after all these years I think I could quote her. Their story went something like this.
“Without a doubt the happiest time of our lives together was when we lived over onthird avenuein a small duplex. When we got married and decided to go to medical school we borrowed enough money from my parents for down payment. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We bought the place and rented out the other side for enough to make the mortgage payment. Even though we had the house ‘paid for’ we really had very little else to our names. We couldn’t afford a TV until we happened to find one in a trash dumpster. It worked okay, but needed a good slap on the top once in awhile.”
It’s been years since that conversation took place but it still reminds me of the important things in life. We measure happiness in life by the number of toys we have, the size of our yard or the amount of money in our retirement account. The words of King Solomon still ring true when he said (my paraphrase) “I didn’t spare myself anything but soon found I had nothing when it came to peace and happiness, I found it only comes from within.”
If your heart is centered on the things of this world like wealth, pleasure and power you will never be satisfied. Your ‘happiness’ will waver depending on circumstances.
But if your heart is centered on building a pure and healthy relationship with God you will find that the things the world finds important for success, happiness and comfort lose their luster. A close walk with God and living in the forgiveness and grace Jesus offers is the only real treasure that will last.
Seek a relationship with the God of Genesis above all others. Cherish the time spent in prayer and Bible study. Seek out those who will help you in your walk. It’s the best way to a healthy heart.
PRAYER: Father God, my own words convict me. There are so many times I’m drawn aside by the desires of this world thinking they will bring comfort and happiness. But their comfort is weak and temporary and often leads to painful consequences. I ask that through the power of your Spirit I would draw closer to you and nurture this treasure I have in Jesus. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 