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‘and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us’. Matthew 6:12 (NLT)
“I forgive you”. Three of the toughest words we will ever say and perhaps the toughest to live out. There are sometimes when forgiveness is easy. Those times when someone does some small infraction that really had no effect on us. They feel far worse than we do. We forgive them, they feel better and that’s the end of it.
It’s those other times when forgiveness is tough. Those times when we’ve been let down by close friends or family. Once is hard, but then it happens over and over again and we begin to doubt their sincerity. They say they are sorry. They say they will try harder or they will ‘never do that again’ but the more they fail the less we believe their words.
There are times forgiveness seems to be completely impossible. You’ve been hurt. The hurt may be physical. The bruises will heal, but the trust has been broken. While physical hurt is painful, the real pain is in the emotions. Emotional scars heal much slower than physical. Sometimes emotional scars never heal. People you meet on the street everyday wear masks and smiles that hide unbearable pain. They are in the coffee shops and restraints. They are in the doctor’s office and the post office. They are in the schools and the churches. They bear the weight of emotional scars and the baggage of not being able to forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is toughest when it isn’t asked for. You’ve been hurt-badly. Once the physical pain is gone the emotional goes on. The perpetrator knows. He/she just doesn’t care. You are left in a pool of pain, sorrow, embarrassment and hurt. Forgiveness certainly isn’t warranted or deserved. It’s not even asked for! But if you don’t forgive, the pain grows like a painful, cancerous growth producing anger, bitterness and hate.
We don’t forgive others because they ask for it or even deserve it. We forgive to free ourselves from the pain. Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you. To forgive the undeserving isn’t about reconciliation, it’s about freedom.
Jesus says we should pray: ‘and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us’ Matthew 6:12 (NLT). To forgive as we’ve been forgiven! Some forgive conditionally: “If you do this again…”; Others forgive under obligation: “God said I have to forgive you, so I guess I do…”; Others forgive but reserve the right to remind you of this fault at a later, more convenient date.
Jesus says we are to forgive as He does. His forgiveness is complete. All we have to do is come to him, confess our faults and ask forgiveness. Then we move on, trusting His Holy Spirit to empower us to try harder. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we struggle and fail. Always we are forgiven by Him.
There are some people who have hurt you deeply. Forgiveness won’t come through your power. It won’t come overnight. It will some as you rely on God to empower you with the ability to let go of the pain caused by others and be free to let go. Forgiving doesn’t make you less of a person, it makes you more like Jesus.
PRAYER: Father God. You know my heart. There are people in my life that have hurt me deeply and continue to do so. I’m angry, I’m frustrated and bitter. I know I should forgive but have no power to do so. I want to be free of this pain. I want to let go and live more like Jesus. I confess my inability to you and ask you to forgive me. Empower me with your Spirit to forgive and live free of this burden. I Jesus name, Amen.
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:14-15
I knew a man who loved to talk about himself and others. When he talked about himself the comments were always positive. He apparently could do no wrong and was an unsung hero in many ways. On the other hand when he talked about others (except of course for those in hearing range) he could always find something wrong with what they did, say, or wore for clothing. No one else measured up to his standards.
Needless to say he didn’t have many friends. We’d sit at lunch during work and hope he didn’t sit at our table. One day he was going on and on about himself when another co-worker, a gentle, soft spoken and well respected believer in Jesus, came into the lunch room. He was still out of earshot when our ‘prophet’ said, “I don’t like him”. I was curious so I asked why he didn’t like that person and he replied, “I don’t know. I just don’t like him. Nice guy though.”
His statement made no sense, as was the case in many of his tirades, but his words stuck with me. The writer to the Hebrews tells us to live at peace with all people as much as is possible. The co-worker that entered the lunchroom that day, I’ll call him Jeff, did nothing to deserve the ‘prophets’ disdain. In fact, the ‘prophet’ even admitted his feelings were unwarranted.
Jeff had done ‘everything right’. He lived the Christian faith in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way. He wasn’t afraid to share his faith but he would far rather share it through actions than through words. He wasn’t always liked by people. But even those who disliked him could find no reason for accusation.
As a Christ-follower we each have an opportunity to share the love and grace of God to others by our actions. We may not always be accepted. Some will point out our weaknesses and failures and completely disregard the positive aspects of who we are. Our goal as Christ-followers is to live in such a way that others may not like us but will have no grounds for their negative feelings about us.
Live in such a way that you are the solution to the bitterness in people’s lives, not the cause.
PRAYER: Father God. I come to you today realizing that there are things in my life that have caused bitterness in the souls of other people. I confess this to you and ask that you would forgive me for the pain I’ve caused others even if they refuse to forgive me. From this day forward empower me with your Spirit to spread grace and love to those around me so that Christ will be glorified in me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. Psalm 38:4
Next to anger, guilt is perhaps the greatest crippler of all time. When you consider the fact that fear can often be caused by guilt that only adds to the drama! Guilt comes into our lives when we feel ashamed for an action that we’ve done. Sometimes that guilt is ‘warranted’ because we all make mistakes. Sometimes that guilt comes from the accusations of others. Even if we are innocent of the accusation we can feel guilty about it.
People try to deal with guilt in a variety of ways in order to ease the pain. Some try to ignore the guilt and pretend that whatever it is that makes us feel guilty never really happened. That’s called denial. If I ignore my guilt long enough it will be less painful. That’s not really true, but we believe the lie. Suppressing guilt only keeps it at bay for a time. Eventually it comes back with vengeance.
Others try to deal with guilt by soothing it with a variety of things like new relationships, new toys, new jobs or surroundings. We focus on external things in order to try to ignore the internal pain we feel. When we tire of the old things we simply replace them with new in hopes that we will be satisfied. Using denial and external things to try to cover up guilt never work.
Sometimes people use the ‘blame game’ to deal with their guilt. “Yes, I did that but if he/she hadn’t done this, or if she/he HAD done that, I wouldn’t have done what I did.” Placing blame on others takes the attention off of me and puts it on others. It’s like creating a diversion. The problem with this is that people eventually see though our antics and we end up being the only one that believes our story. People who use the blame game seldom realize that they are the main problem in the healing process.
Following ‘social trends’ rather than God’s Word can also be used to cover guilt. “Everyone else is doing it so it must be okay.” We surround ourselves with people who, like us, haven’t dealt with their guilt. Since they appear to be comfortable in what they do we feel comfortable as well. There is sort of a comfort in mutual misery.
Even religion can be used to cover guilt. We do something wrong and go to God for forgiveness. He willingly forgives us of all our sins. However, we feel so bad about what we have done that we try to do ‘things’ to cover the pain. These can be very good things like church attendance, Bible Studies, volunteering, even being in ministry to try to cover the shame and guilt of our sin. When we struggle with a recurring sin we tend to increase our ‘religious activity’ to deal with the pain. Nothing relieves that pain though and so we revert to the blame game. “It’s not working. It must be Gods fault, or the churches fault, or the fault of those so-called Christians.”
There is nothing you can do to free yourself of the weight of guilt you carry. The longer you carry it the heavier it grows. The more things you try to remove the guilt from your life the heavier your burden grows. The more you regret the more you fret. Sometimes people are so weighed down by the burden of trying to remove the guilt from their lives that they become physically, emotionally or mentally ill. Some even commit suicide to try to remove the pain.
Jesus has the answer to your guilt and the burden you carry. It’s not found in religion. It’s not found in church. It’s not found in relationships, toys or activity. Freedom from guilt comes through Jesus alone and the grace He offers. Hebrews 10:22 says “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.”
Jesus not only cleanses the sin, he wants to cleanse the feelings of guilt you carry. Satan and others will want to try to continually remind you of your past mistakes. Tell them that Jesus took care of that on the cross. When guilt attacks take it directly to Jesus. Let Him remind you that YOU ARE FORGIVEN. No questions. No second thoughts. NO MORE BLAME. Say to yourself, ‘Because of Jesus I am not only forgiven of my sin, I am cleansed of my guilt. I will no longer allow guilt to control me and weigh me down. I AM FREE.’
PRAYER: Dear Jesus. I thank you that you look on my heart and not on my actions. I am so sorry for the pain I’ve caused myself, others and you. I’ve made decisions that continue to be hurtful. I continue to struggle with sin. My guilt is ever before me. I ask that once and for all you search my heart and reveal any unconfessed sin. Then I pray that you not only forgive me of my sin, but that you cleanse my guilty conscience. Empower me to live free of guilt regardless of the number of times other people try to remind me of my past. From this day forward I resolve to rely on you to free me from guilt. Amen.
Mike Fisk & Built with Grace 